Author: moirahoran

Okay, there is the start of a schedule.  I guess it’s going to take the place of my training plan for now.  I worked out this morning, made sure to swim and run since I didn’t know what today would bring and if either of those two things would be restricted (they aren’t, for now).  I thought a few times while I was swimming this morning that I don’t feel like someone with cancer.  I don’t swim or run like someone with cancer.  But, guess what?  I have cancer.  And that hit me hard.  Especially when we entered the building with this sign outside.

Okay so first off what a beautiful facility and what kind and caring employees but really?  There are really this many people in the NYC vicinity with cancer????  Wow.  So — paperwork, forms, signatures, insurance cards, photo ID, etc.  Finally, in a room with a nurse, then a doctor.  For the first time, I met Dr. Mohamed El-Tamer. He has come highly recommended from two friends who have undergone extensive breast cancer issues.  Right now the conversation, examination, etc. are all a bit of a blur but here’s the bottom line.  It’s still cancer.  It’s still invasive ductal carcinoma.  It’s stage one, that’s new news.  Although they still need to perform an injection of dye before surgery he is pretty confident there is no node involvement.  I will need both chemotherapy and radiation after.  I will lose my hair.  Crap, I like my hair!  He said it will grow back better.  I wonder if it will still be grey, I mean blonde?
So here’s the new schedule:  Monday, March 27 is pre-op testing at the Sloan Kettering satellite facility in Middletown NJ.  Family vacation in St. John’s from March 28 until April 5th.  Dr El-Tamer said that it is absolutely fine!  April 6th, pre-op prep in NYC.  April 7th, lumpectomy.  April 17, post op follow up.  April 27, consult with oncologists.  3 to 4 months of chemotherapy and radiology to follow.  Twice a week.  When I explained my plans for the season the surgeon looked at me very calmly and said: “not this year”.  My response?   “These weren’t my firsts and they won’t be my last”.

According to the doctor, I will have very few limitations from surgery.  Especially about working out.  I have a feeling that the chemo may not be so forgiving but, we shall see.  I gotta take this one day at a time.

Some questions answered.  About 25% of women with breast cancer have this type of cancer.  After 5 years if it doesn’t come back I’m good. Five years is a long time.  They will do genomic testing since my mother died from breast cancer.

Every message I’ve received over the last week and especially today has meant so much to me.  Really.  A few comments made me laugh out loud.  A few made me smile about good memories.  And quite a few made me tear up.   I love my family, I love my friends.  I love and count on my Jersey Girls and my Coeur team.   You guys really are the best!    This truly sucks.  But, for some reason, I still feel like I’m blessed.

Dear cancer, you were not invited.  Now please fuck off.  Cheers, Moira

I’ve been talking about getting back to blogging.  This isn’t what I wanted to write about.

It has been a rocky few weeks for me.  Starting with the hugely annoying undertaking of finding a place somewhat locally to get a routine mammogram.  I had a place I went to every year with my aunt but she moved away and the facility closed.  I found another place eventually and had a bit of a scare.  A follow-up sonogram, a stressful few weeks and then a needle biopsy returned the results of “just a cyst”. When I called to go back a year later I found they no longer took my insurance and a few more calls turned up nothing.  I put it on the back burner.  For another year.

I’ve been systematically cleaning out some hidden corners, drawers and piles around my house and while sorting out a stack of papers I had been avoiding I found my old mammography prescription.  I literally spent two and a half days on the phone with my insurance company and calling radiology facilities and finally found a community health facility in Lakewood that accepted my insurance.  I called my ob/gyn’s office to get a new prescription and also scheduled a regular checkup with him.

My routine mammography was scheduled for Thursday, March 2nd.  A very nice facility with a lovely technician who informed me that if there was a need for anything beyond routine I’d need to follow up at another facility.  Oh, great!

Dr. Kaufman called me a week later, on Thursday, March 9th.  I needed to go for a sonogram.  This time I didn’t even make any more calls to local facilities.  My next option was expanding the search to New York — first Staten Island and then Brooklyn.  Staten Island facilities gave me appointments over a week later.  I found a place in Brooklyn, right over the Verrazano Bridge that had an appointment available on Monday, March 13.  Not wanting to delay and torture myself mentally I grabbed that appointment, went to Chemed in Lakewood to pick up my images, told Bryan what was going on and that I needed him to take me to Brooklyn on Monday.  Anyone familiar with the 5 boroughs knows that parking is challenging at best.  I was at Bay Ridge Medical Imaging from 9:30 AM till 1:30 PM and guess what, Bryan never found a parking spot.

I was starting to feel a bit uneasy and explained to the office staff why I came almost 60 miles from New Jersey and received a lot of insurance related sympathy.  They couldn’t have been nicer and they were in constant communication with Dr. Kaufman to get the necessary prescriptions for first a sonogram and then a needle biopsy.  I asked the doctor at the facility what the chances of it being a cyst again was and she very matter of factly informed me that it was not a cyst and that it would need to come out.  This was a much more painful and lengthy needle biopsy than the last one, and the technician informed me that there were now “titanic” clips inserted to guide what needed to be removed.  I kind of figured she actually meant “titanium” (and thought about my titanium Litespeed Saber) and it almost made me laugh but I actually started to feel even more uneasy.    The office promised me that the samples would get out to the lab that same day, but it could be Friday before I heard anything.

Since I knew I would have to have some sort of surgery I called a friend who has battled with breast cancer and found out she had recommendations from her own personal experience at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC.  I called the offices, checked their website and found the best possible information — they are preferred providers for our insurances and any doctor connected with the facility also accepts the same insurances.  I wrote down the information for when I had something to call about.

I still hadn’t heard anything by Thursday and I finally just couldn’t stand the waiting and called Dr. Kaufman’s office.  Nope, they had nothing and suggested I check the radiology facility.  I called them — they had nothing and it said it could be the following week before I heard.  Oh great!

I was home on Friday afternoon, hoping for a call from someone but also dreading a call.  I sent Bryan off to the Shillelagh Club St. Patrick’s Day party while I finished up making some Irish Soda Bread I promised to bring.  At 2:15 I saw a Red Bank number calling on my cell phone.  It was Dr. Kaufman.  I grabbed a pen and paper.  He said I’m sorry to make this call but I know you are anxious.  “It is cancer.  You have invasive ductal carcinoma.  You will need a surgeon and most likely an MRI.”

Okay, it’s now 2:30 in the afternoon on Friday, St. Patrick’s Day.  If I’m going to get anything put in place I better get moving.  I literally used both phones to make calls between Sloan Kettering, Dr. Kaufman’s office, and the radiology lab.  The surgeon’s office said they could probably get everything in place for me to come in on Thursday.  I said what do you need to get me in on Monday?  She told me, I wrote it down and got it done within the hour.  I’m good at taking action.   I have an appointment with the surgeon on Monday, March 20th at 1 PM.  Okay, now off to the Shillelagh Club where I proceeded to drink heavily.

I’ve personally spoken to my family, and some friends — mostly those who have been through this.  I’ve done some searching on the internet — big mistake.  I sat at lunch yesterday discussing the possibility of chemotherapy and radiation with my husband.  Then I stopped myself and thought wow, did I really just say that?  Yea, not what I ever thought would be part of a discussion about me.  A little over a week ago I was discussing my training, our family trip to St. John’s and my upcoming race schedule — which included the Boston Marathon, Eagleman 70.3 and Ironman Lake Placid 140.6.  I had also been hoping to get back to the start line in Kona again this year.

Thanks to my friend Hailey for the blog title, by the way.

If I haven’t spoken to you personally please don’t be offended.  I’m overwhelmed.  I’m angry.  I’m scared.  I’d like to be in denial but that isn’t working out real well.  I’ve asked some friends and family to reach out to other friends tomorrow to let you know personally what is going on. I’ve decided to handle this openly.  I’m hoping it will help me, that it will help avoid rumors and maybe help someone else in the process.  If you get nothing else from this, please go get that routine annual mammogram.  I had absolutely no sign that anything was going on.  Even now that I know where it is I still can’t find it myself (or the “titanic” clips!).   I feel great and am as fit as ever.  I don’t know if I need anything right now.  If I do, I’ll be sure to ask.  I’m not really sure I want many phone calls at the moment.  It’s a bit easier to write about what’s going on than to talk about it.  If you call me and I don’t answer please don’t be offended.

I’m going to leave this here for tonight, and publish it before my appointment on Monday.  I’ll get back to everyone with an update once I’ve caught my breath (I’m not expecting this to be easy) and once I have some more details to share.   I’m thinking I’m going to need a lot of heart and courage in the upcoming weeks.

My husband wonders why I don’t just wait to race and qualify next year like I planned.  I didn’t look for this opportunity. I’ve raised tens of thousands of dollars for charity in connection with  IRONMAN and other races.  I’ve qualified for Kona twice.  I’ve spent countless hours encouraging and supporting women in our sport for  nothing more than the pure joy of it.  I did not seek out this opportunity. I didn’t expect it, but when it was presented to me something about it felt right. The opportunity to raise money to further the every day woman’s chance to live a happier and healthier life through triathlon?  To me that’s a win / win situation.  And all it will take is for me to train to the best of my ability, be presented with a good day on October 10, and find 177 friends to support with $1 per mile . . .  or more if you are so inclined!

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Women For Tri board members will fundraise to grow women’s participation in triathlon at the 2015 IRONMAN World Championship

After conducting national research to determine the greatest barriers to women’s participation in triathlon, members of the Women For Tri board identified a need to support female athletes at the local level and to create an interactive source of information and resources for female athletes.

Towards this goal, three volunteer board members will participate in this October’s IRONMAN World Championship in Kona in partnership with IRONMAN Foundation, with the aim of raising $75,000 to achieve these goals.

The funds raised by the Women for Tri board in 2015 will be used to:

• Offer grants to local triatedicated to recruiting, training, and supporting emerging female triathletes,
• Create and maintain interactive communication hubs including a website, videos, and other resources for female triathletes of all levels
• Fund grants for college students

Meet the athletes

The board members selected to race for Women for Tri at this year’s IRONMAN World Championship include Katherine Kelly Lang, Kyrsten Sinema, and Moira Horan. Lang, an age-group triathlete from California, has competed in two IRONMAN 70.3 events. She is an original cast member of the most watched daily drama in the world, The Bold and the Beautiful and is also an Emmy® award-winning producer. In addition to being a competitive athlete and an actress/producer, Lang is also an Spokesperson and Ambassador for Breakaway from Cancer.

“Over the last six months, we’ve heard from thousands of women around the country, and their message to us is clear: triathlon helps women live healthy, strong, and confident lives.”

Moira Horan has competed in countless triathlons since 1993, including qualifying for and competing in Kona. She is a certified USA Triathlon coach in New Jersey, founder of the Jersey Girls StayStrong Multisport Club, and co-founder of the Jersey Girls Triathlon. She also raced for FDNY-related charities at all her previous IRONMAN events.
“As a triathlon coach, I’ve watched women transform their lives. I’m excited to build this transformation across the country.”

Kyrsten Sinema, age-grouper from Arizona, is the first sitting member of Congress to complete an IRONMAN competition—and possibly the first athlete to be knocked off a bike by a tumbleweed. Sinema races regularly for charity, including the Martin Richard Foundation and OneFund Boston (the Boston Marathon charity).

“Heart disease remains the number one killer of women in the U.S. Triathlon gives us another tool to help women combat and beat this disease.”

Women for Tri, an initiative launched by IRONMAN and Life Time in 2015, works to increase female participation at all levels of triathlon. The project seeks to identify and diminish primary barriers to entry and mobilize triathlon advocates to encourage and engage female athletes across all distances and representing all athletic abilities. Learn more at http://ironman.com/womenfortri

Originally from: http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/news/articles/2015/06/women-for-tri-launches-fundraising-campaign.aspx#axzz3dk58c8zw

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Frequently asked questions about Women For Tri’s fundraising efforts.

• The Women For Tri board is fundraising through The IRONMAN Foundation’s Fundraising platform—hosted by Crowdrise and Network for Good (two third party fundraising platform providers).

• Crowdrise charges a 3 percent fee which the IRONMAN Foundation will cover so that 100 percent of every dollar raised will go back to the Women For Tri grant funds.

• The IRONMAN Foundation Inc., is a Florida not for profit corporation that is exempt from taxation under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. The Foundation has a federal tax identification number of 65-112979

• All donations are 100 percent tax deductible

• All donors, at the time of donation, will receive an email confirmation of their donation and tax deductible receipt

• All donated funds will be used to create grant programs to support the growth of women in triathlon and leading healthy and active lifestyles

• These grant programs include: individual athlete grants, tri club grants and educational and development tools

Women For Tri’s mission: To identify and diminish primary barriers to entry and mobilize triathlon advocates to encourage and engage female athletes across all distances and representing all athletic abilities.

The IRONMAN Foundation’s mission: To leave IRONMAN’s legacy through philanthropy, volunteerism, and grant making, by supporting various athletic, community, education, health, human services and public benefit organizations around the world.

Originally from: http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/organizations/women-for-tri/fundraising.aspx#ixzz3f4NmXz7K

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And now for me to include my fundraising link https://www.crowdrise.com/womenfortrimoirahoran

And to the entire team:
https://www.crowdrise.com/womenfortri

Spent the weekend in Cape May at a fabulous Delmo Sports event weekend, Escape the Cape.  Usually I just come down and volunteer at the tri on Sunday but this year Steve added a paddle event so I strapped my 14 foot Rhizotomy board on the roof of my car and headed down the Parkway early on Saturday morning.  I don’t usually drive very far with this board and I quickly discovered that it wasn’t really secure on the roof.  Two stops on the Garden State Parkway to adjust the board and I eventually made it to Cape May about a half hour later than expected but still plenty of time to get registered for the paddle event.  There was a 10 plus mph wind out of the north and a very strong chop that we paddled into for the f0r 1-½ miles.  A woman who was spectating from the beach actually said “at one point you guys looked like you were standing still”.  Somehow that made me feel better for the effort that I had made.  One day I hope to have time to actually train to paddle, in the meanwhile I’ll just enjoy getting out there.

Small number of entries in this first-year event, but I met some great paddlers and left with my first ever “first female” finish.  Thanks to Stephen DelMonte for a fabulous event and to Kaenon sunglasses and At the Beach headbands for the great race schwag!

Hoping that my past streak will hold up.  Today’s run sucked!  I wanted to enjoy one more beach run before leaving Marco Island, and thought I had about 1-½ hours till high tide.  Well, storms offshore meant that there was no good surface to run on.  I decided to just enjoy the sights and sounds, not worry about the pace and just run.  Proved to be tough, and hot, and really hard.  Check out my garmin file from today’s run if you want to see just how much it sucked!

However, the sights and sounds will stay with me for a while.  There is nothing like the sound of the water hitting the shore and washing over the shells.  Just beautiful!

Reading some of the things that a few people have pointed out to me recently has made me very sad and embarrassed, for women in general.  I have tried to filter out as much of the negativity as I can but sometimes it still sneaks in.  And as much as I try not to let it get to me, it’s a very sad testament to women’s behavior.

Generalizations like this — “. . . . the “Women for Tri” board, which is the antithesis of the name. WTC puppets with their own personal agenda and hurting the movement for equality run the board.”

How does anyone make such sweeping generalizations about a group of women who they most likely have never met?  I doubt you know anyone of us, and I know you don’t know me or where I come from, where I’ve been, what I’ve done or what I still hope to do.  But . . .  I don’t agree with you so I must be just an all-around awful person who can be belittled and demeaned both individually and as part of a group on social media.

Why do so many women feel that the only way they can succeed is by putting others down?  That the only way they can win is if others lose?    The only thing keeping them from success is someone else’s success?

The Women for Tri Board of Advisors makes the “Podium” section of Triathlete Magazine.  Very exciting to me, and I’m sure to the rest of the board of advisors, and to the majority of women in the Facebook group (currently just over 3,500 women).  Lots of congratulations, but also other groups of women making comments like why didn’t we get a mention?  Take the comment away from the specific issues — how would you feel if Athlete A had a feature in Triathlete Magazine (or something like that) and Athlete B posts “Why didn’t I get it?”  Just leaves me with a sad and embarrassed feeling about women.

A survey is put out.  What’s suggested? Well, first let’s belittle the skills of the creators of the survey, and then suggest that it be filled out multiple times by an individual.   Wow. I guess no one felt that “playing fair” would give the response they wanted?  Again, just leaves me sad and embarrassed.

I for one knew absolutely ZERO about 50 women for Kona before getting bombarded (and not very nicely) once I was selected as one of the Women for Tri Board of Advisors by IRONMAN and Life Time Fitness.  Once I heard about it, I read up on it, did my own research and made my own decision.  No one told me what to believe, what to say, how to say it, when to say it or anything else.  “Corporate politics” has never been my forte, in fact I have always sucked at it.  As most who know me will agree — I tend to say what I feel, when I feel it and how I feel regardless of the consequences.  Even more so at this stage of my life.  I have nothing to prove, nothing to win and nothing to lose.  I’m my own person, I’m very happy with the person that I am, with what I do and with what I feel I still can do.

The Women for Tri initiative has a mission, 50 women for Kona has a mission, lots of other groups also have missions.  They are not the same in the specifics.  I personally don’t feel that if any one group succeeds that it is somehow tied to the other’s failure.  I’ve never operated like that in my life.  The more women, hell the more people that I can bring with me on my journey the better as far as I’m concerned.

I could go on and on with so many more examples.  Do I single out any one group for discrimination in our Facebook group?  Ask the Isagenix people, the Beach Body coaches, the Team Betty people, everyone in the group who has a bike shop or other business and every woman who is racing for a charity and “shared her story”.  I’m picking on all of them I guess.  What’s funny is that others within the board of advisors wanted much stricter rules and consequences for the Facebook group, I was the one who fought (and won!) to make them softer and more forgiving.

My goal is nothing less than seeing EVERYONE who gives their best accomplish whatever goals they set in life.  I know that if I try my best, and if I still fail it’s just because I failed. I do know that the reason I failed isn’t because someone else succeeded.

My feelings towards people I’ve never met in person — I try to remember to have respect for you while we get to know each other.  I have even greater respect for someone who may not agree with my feelings and beliefs, but still respects me as a person and I respect them.  We are still working together for a common good — making life just a bit better for the next person and that makes my life just a little bit better.

I don’t consider myself a “blogger”, and I may never make this blog public as it will just become fodder for more negativity on social media.

I do have feelings and the constant bombardment wears on me.  I know better than to try to debate an attorney, or people who live their life on social media.  But, being a Brooklyn girl at heart I also don’t give in to bullying 🙂

Hope you had a great weekend, I know I did!

PS:  After keeping this blog post private for over a week I’ve decided to post it publicly.  Let the bashing begin.